You wrote that beautifully!! 🥹 My heart is melting. Relationships are something that I have to learn to surrender because I just don't know what to expect and how I can build and keep a relationship when it's falling apart. I tend to avoid talking and spending too much time to think about relationships. I refuse to really *feel* into it, feel into my heart and put the guards down. But actually I just someone want to love and be loved 🫠 Love this writing so so much!!!
The part about hyper-independence and sometimes needing to weep in another’s arms is so real. I’ve been contemplating this with a friend, as we both tend to try and heal and fix on our own. Hide when we feel vulnerable and messy.
A teacher of mine who studies trauma said that any trauma formed relationally (which most are) can only be healed in relationship with another. I was like noooo! haha.
But in a way it is so beautiful because it reminds us to give ourselves grace, especially when it feels like it’s too much to handle in our own. Sometimes transformation comes in tenderly being witnessed, feeling safe with another again and reaching out for support.
I’m also in my twenties and it’s been a rollercoaster, but as I approach my thirties, I’m looking forward to comparing less, caring less what others think, and prioritising the connections that are most uplifting in my life.
Thank you so much for your comment and your support, that’s so sweet like honey 🍯🥲
I feel like in our twenties it’s like a pendulum that swings out into another extreme after being so dependent on childhood and adolescence. And then towards the end of the twenties we find out that a little bit of dependence is actually very comforting.
And yes the trauma thing. It’s so very humbling. We are definitely not made to figure that out alone.
I saw a psychic recently and she told me that relationships traumatise people, so sometimes we need to start a new relationship to heal from the trauma of a past one. It blew my mind, especially because we were talking about working with a practitioner so I didn’t have to be on my healing journey alone 🥹. Having help is so value hey!
It really is Viv! Sometimes just showing up and speaking to a therapist or someone we love is so healing itself.
I wonder if that’s why hearing something from a therapist hits so much deeper than reading it in a book. Or why a kind message from a friend is more powerful than a positive affirmation. Or why sometimes we feel into healing by living rather than sitting alone and thinking. (Although books, affirmations and reflection are such incredible tools as well)
I think maybe it’s that balance between self regulation and co regulation. Self care and community care. Not being reliant on others to make you feel okay, but being able to ask for help when you need it.
Such an interesting conversation to think about! Life is filled with so many polarities and it’s so beautiful to know we are all going through it together 🥹
Hi Miriam, I really enjoyed reading this! It's interesting how a lot of what you wrote resonates also for me as someone in my late 30s who is transitioning out of one cycle of life and identity into another, and facing the same perceptions of how other people my age seem to have chosen a path that they could stay on permanently versus me taking apart everything in life to start on a different path again (which I thought I already did once in my mid to late 20s, and that was it! 😂).
What I realize now that I didn't in my 20s is that life is cyclical and not linear, and that's why life is never "figured out", and the only constant is the messiness of it all, through which we get some of the most precious truths and experiences of being alive. Thank you for sharing your beautiful insights and I look forward to reading more of your writing! 💕
Yessss to the cyclical! I feel like life reorganizes itself constantly. But in a way, if we don’t resist it (which I’m currently learning) is that it pieces itself together in a more aligned way, even if there is a period involved in which we feel super lost..
So I think it’s super important to have good community in life. And I love our little online cocoon, it’s a piece of that safety we all need. 🤍🤍🤍
Such a beautiful comment. It reminds me of the concept of arrival fallacy, that we believe once we reach a certain point in life with certain boxes ticked that we will be happy. Like you said, life runs in cycles and we never arrive at a destination where everything is perfect, so we may as well enjoy the each moment of messiness along the way! 🤍 Thank you for reminding me of this.
Yesss, I often feel like one day it will all be figured out. Which actually it will not. I feel like much of the self improvement industry caters to this desire, instead of learning to embrace the messiness and put our energy elsewhere hehe 🤍🤍
You wrote that beautifully!! 🥹 My heart is melting. Relationships are something that I have to learn to surrender because I just don't know what to expect and how I can build and keep a relationship when it's falling apart. I tend to avoid talking and spending too much time to think about relationships. I refuse to really *feel* into it, feel into my heart and put the guards down. But actually I just someone want to love and be loved 🫠 Love this writing so so much!!!
The part about hyper-independence and sometimes needing to weep in another’s arms is so real. I’ve been contemplating this with a friend, as we both tend to try and heal and fix on our own. Hide when we feel vulnerable and messy.
A teacher of mine who studies trauma said that any trauma formed relationally (which most are) can only be healed in relationship with another. I was like noooo! haha.
But in a way it is so beautiful because it reminds us to give ourselves grace, especially when it feels like it’s too much to handle in our own. Sometimes transformation comes in tenderly being witnessed, feeling safe with another again and reaching out for support.
I’m also in my twenties and it’s been a rollercoaster, but as I approach my thirties, I’m looking forward to comparing less, caring less what others think, and prioritising the connections that are most uplifting in my life.
This is a beautiful piece Miriam! I love it! <3
Thank you so much for your comment and your support, that’s so sweet like honey 🍯🥲
I feel like in our twenties it’s like a pendulum that swings out into another extreme after being so dependent on childhood and adolescence. And then towards the end of the twenties we find out that a little bit of dependence is actually very comforting.
And yes the trauma thing. It’s so very humbling. We are definitely not made to figure that out alone.
Sending so much love!! 💌
Oh that’s so true!! I’ve never looked at it like that before! Such a beautiful aspect to notice ☺️✨
I saw a psychic recently and she told me that relationships traumatise people, so sometimes we need to start a new relationship to heal from the trauma of a past one. It blew my mind, especially because we were talking about working with a practitioner so I didn’t have to be on my healing journey alone 🥹. Having help is so value hey!
It really is Viv! Sometimes just showing up and speaking to a therapist or someone we love is so healing itself.
I wonder if that’s why hearing something from a therapist hits so much deeper than reading it in a book. Or why a kind message from a friend is more powerful than a positive affirmation. Or why sometimes we feel into healing by living rather than sitting alone and thinking. (Although books, affirmations and reflection are such incredible tools as well)
I think maybe it’s that balance between self regulation and co regulation. Self care and community care. Not being reliant on others to make you feel okay, but being able to ask for help when you need it.
Such an interesting conversation to think about! Life is filled with so many polarities and it’s so beautiful to know we are all going through it together 🥹
Hi Miriam, I really enjoyed reading this! It's interesting how a lot of what you wrote resonates also for me as someone in my late 30s who is transitioning out of one cycle of life and identity into another, and facing the same perceptions of how other people my age seem to have chosen a path that they could stay on permanently versus me taking apart everything in life to start on a different path again (which I thought I already did once in my mid to late 20s, and that was it! 😂).
What I realize now that I didn't in my 20s is that life is cyclical and not linear, and that's why life is never "figured out", and the only constant is the messiness of it all, through which we get some of the most precious truths and experiences of being alive. Thank you for sharing your beautiful insights and I look forward to reading more of your writing! 💕
Yessss to the cyclical! I feel like life reorganizes itself constantly. But in a way, if we don’t resist it (which I’m currently learning) is that it pieces itself together in a more aligned way, even if there is a period involved in which we feel super lost..
So I think it’s super important to have good community in life. And I love our little online cocoon, it’s a piece of that safety we all need. 🤍🤍🤍
Obsessed with our little cocoon of writers and poets 🥹🤍
Such a beautiful comment. It reminds me of the concept of arrival fallacy, that we believe once we reach a certain point in life with certain boxes ticked that we will be happy. Like you said, life runs in cycles and we never arrive at a destination where everything is perfect, so we may as well enjoy the each moment of messiness along the way! 🤍 Thank you for reminding me of this.
Yesss, I often feel like one day it will all be figured out. Which actually it will not. I feel like much of the self improvement industry caters to this desire, instead of learning to embrace the messiness and put our energy elsewhere hehe 🤍🤍
This is so true!! I’ve never looked at it that way before! 🤍🤍
Yes! Learning to live the beautiful paradox of “we will never arrive” and “we have already arrived”, in each present moment ☺️